Like I said, my wonderful husband said he would take me to Disneyland... and he did. There is no one that I would rather spend my life with than him. He is the sweetest, most genuine, honestly caring and amazing person to ever walk this Earth. I just know it. He is quite sincerely my angel. That's what he always calls me... he says I am an angel to him, but I am 100% sure that it is the other way around. He is so willing to do anything for me to ease this burden and has truly put himself before me in all of this. I swear he has also developed this power where he can read my mind. Sometimes when we are driving and my mind starts wondering, (like it did several times during this dreamy disneyland trip,) back to the hardships that we have been through and are continuing to face... he will reach over and say things like, "I know it's hard," or simply, "I love you." It just makes it all better... or makes me cry. Either way... in the end I feel relieved. He knows me so well, just like he knew Disneyland would take my mind off things, just long enough to get myself motivated and excited about other things in our life again! I have only been begging him to take me since we started dating almost 5 years ago :)
We had a wonderful time and are so blessed that everything worked out so perfectly that we were able to go on such short notice. Here are some pictures from our trip! We were there from Sunday night until Thursday. Then we spent a night in Vegas and got back home on Friday. It was a dream! (I am already begging him to plan our next trip to the happiest place on Earth!)
MASON GETTING HIS FIRST PEDICURE
Don't let him tell you otherwise... He loved it.
Don't let him tell you otherwise... He loved it.
There are two things that I want to make sure I keep 100% clear on this blog.
#1: Mine and Mason's life together is not PERFECT. It is absolutely wonderful and it is surreal to me that we have been as blessed as we have in so many ways. Just like others though we struggle, we fight and get on each others nerves and then we laugh it off and hug it out and move on! I feel like so many people through the eyes of social media have these perfect lives, with the perfect house, the perfect job, a flawless relationship, and all these THINGS that must make their lives just... perfect. But when it comes down to it... it just isn't that way in real life. And I am not bogging down the wonderful connection and relationship Mason and I have been blessed with. I just want people to see that we are REAL people with REAL hard struggles and we just happen to be able to love each other through it.
#2: Mine and Mason's life is also not BAD. I am blogging about this struggle that Mason and I are facing. I'm hoping to inspire and comfort others who are also going through infertility battles. But we have also been SO blessed is SO many other ways. I never want it sound like I am crying "woah-is-us" our life is so horrible. That is also far from the truth. When we started "trying" we were living in my parent's guest bedroom, only one of us had a job, neither of us had health benefits, we were buried in debt and had a car with a shattered windshield and a $400 beater that my parents gifted to us. We did NOT have it together. We just knew that for some crazy, unfathomable reason God was saying... just "try." So we did. And now I know why we started trying when we did. Because God knew it was going to be a long battle. But since that decision God has also blessed us so tremendously. It's as if he was saying... get your crap together while you have the chance. For how bitter this trial has been and how angry I have been at God sometimes and for how many times I have questioned Him and His plan... He sure does know what He is doing. Since we made that huge decision with His help, He has given us so much. We are debt free, building our first home (more to come on that later), Mason is kicking butt at work and providing a wonderful life for us, and we have been given the opportunities to go on more dates and trips and spend this time before parenthood really growing our relationship. And how ungrateful I would be if I did not give ALL of that credit to my Heavenly Father. I do know how much He loves me. And I do know he wants to ease this burden and relieve this pain for us. It doesn't fill that baby shaped hole in my heart but it does warm my soul to know that we are on our way to providing a wonderful life for that sweet angel when it does come.
My message, this time, for those of you struggling with infertility:
Write a journal, or a blog. Writing all of this down will be a testimony to those in your future that you may encounter that are going through the same thing. Also, your future children will see how excited you were to meet them and maybe it will shed light on just a tiny spec of the amount that you love them, even though they will surely never fully comprehend it.
Go to therapy if you think it will help, do not be afraid to be weak... this is a hard thing and it takes a strong person to know that they need help getting through it.
Another thing I have learned... stop planning your life as if you are pregnant or will give birth any second. I did that for months. I took a job that was part time so that "when I got pregnant," I would have the time to be sick or be at home. I also was afraid to plan a trip or go to a theme park, "in case I got pregnant" after we planned it. I was scared to take up new hobbies or work full time or do anything that MIGHT take away from my baby once it decided to come. When it happens it will happen, and then go from there and change your life where you see fit. But do not postpone life and WAIT to be pregnant or you may look back one day and see all that time that you could have been spending improving this life for that child or for yourself. Take every day one day at a time... Say to yourself "what can I do to get through TODAY." And do that. Do not plan every day for your future's benefit. Choose to be happy right now.
