A Progesterone Dip && Hospital Trip

So as briefly mentioned in the last post... Mason and I are building a house! YAY!! We chose a beautiful lot above Highland Highway. It has a gorgeous view of the valley and is being built in the first of 9 phases of development in that area. Our home is going to have a walkout basement, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and an unfinished basement to grow into. We couldn't be more excited. We met with that architect last week to make all of the adjustments to the floor plan and finalize how the home was going to be built. It was so fun to customize our little home and we can't wait to see how it turns out! Then next step will be to customize the exterior of the home and then our last appointment will allow us to customize everything on the inside!
Besides that we have still been trying to get pregnant. Duh. The house has been keeping me nice and distracted for the most part but Mother's Day did bring up some sad feelings for both Mason and I. Me more than him. I just let myself think about how far along I would have been by now, and that I would know the sex of the baby and that Mason and I would be celebrating my first year as a mother. I let those feelings consume me for just a few little moments throughout the day before I quickly reminded myself of the other blessings in my life. Namely... Mason. Mason is amazing. He bought me beautiful flowers on Saturday and brought them home with him after work. He reminded me that I don't need to have kids to be a mother. I am a mother. To my close friends, my
family members and other loved ones... what is a mother but someone who is loving, nurturing, protective and proud of the people she is a mother to. Sheri Dew's talk called "Aren't we all Mothers?" is amazing and I highly recommend it to those of you struggling with infertility! It is uplifting and speaks to those of us who long to be mothers but for whatever reason have not been able to take part in that wonderful blessing of motherhood.
Last month my progesterone level was shockingly, and for no apparent reason, extremely low. An 8 to be exact. Now remember to have any chance of being pregnant it has to be a 17 or higher. An 8.... is heart wrenching. And the worst part is we had no idea why. I took all of the pills, took them on time and made sure to follow the calendar to a tee. So when the doctor called they upped my dose of Clomed again and told me to change just a couple things in my regimen to help. When it comes to Clomed the recommended dose is 1-2 pills, once a day for 5 days. You start at one pill and if that doesn't work move to two. We made that switch in January and I began taking 2 pills everyday for 5 days. Well the highest Clomed dose that is allowed is 3 pills or 150 mg. That's what they bumped me to this month. So fingers crossed that this works and that if it does I can carry to full term with no issues. If I have a third miscarriage we will have to begin tests to figure out what is going on that is not allowing me to carry to full term. If the Clomed doesn't work at this dose than it is back to the drawing board to start from square one. Yikes.... we really don't want that.
Aside from all of that we had a scare earlier this month. I always have horrible cramps when I begin
my cycle. Like the kind that make you have to call into work, lay in bed all day and keep yourself drugged up on IB profin and Midol with a heating pad on your stomach. This month though it was way worse than it should have been. Scary bad, I dare say equal to that of my last miscarriage. I called Mason and he rushed home and took me to the ER. They took a few ultrasounds, a lot of blood and gave me a hefty dose of Morphine to kill the pain. They found a lot of fluid in my lower abdomen and determined that it was an ovarian cyst about 2 CM that had ruptured. That doesn't sound big, but it is compared to that tiny little ovary it was attached to. I have had cysts before but this was by far the biggest. And so was the pain. Being in the hospital brought back a lot of bad memories from the night I miscarried. It was like living it all over again. Same tests, same pains and same feelings of fear. I think that hurt the most. We drove by the hospital last night on our way home and without even realizing it I was gazing at it out the window. Mason grabbed my hand and said "We have a lot of bad memories there, but not to long and we will have the happiest memory of our whole life there." He is the sweetest. And I know he is right. This whole hardship, for lack of a better term, sucks. It has really tested my body and mine and Mason's patience and understanding. But one day when I'm 7 months pregnant and holding my belly while that little angel kicks around in there I am going to look back and say I'd do it all over again. I am going to love that little nugget more than they will ever know. And just like Mason reminded me last night... that hospital is going to be the place where we receive the greatest blessing of our lives and then it won't be such a bad place anymore. It will be the place where we met and fell in love with our long-awaited little Rosebud.