Our Infertility Journey

"I know that there is value in sharing our stories, our experiences and our knowledge. Helping others understand infertility and making connections with one another can keep us from suffering alone."

Of all the posts I have written on this blog for some reason this one is the hardest. I have been wrestling with myself over the idea of posting all of my experiences online for my friends and family to read but the quote I wrote above has been written in a notebook on my nightstand for months. And I read it on a regular basis. This blog contains mine and Mason's journey through infertility. Whether you read only this post or go back through the archives to the very beginning, this is the entire story of what we have been through from start to finish.

Unlike a lot of my friends and family I haven't always had a burning desire to be a mom. I didn't start to feel that until I met my Mason. He taught me what it was to love unconditionally and selflessly. Not long into our relationship he opened up to me, leaned on me and at some times carried me and I saw his potential as a father and he helped me to see mine as a mother. Only a couple months after our wedding we knew that our next calling was to become parents. We had nothing. We were newlyweds! We were living with my parents, broke, only had one car and no health insurance and for some reason we felt as if the Lord was pushing us towards that sacred calling. So we took a leap of faith. And boy am I glad that we started trying when we did. 

Mason and I just passed our two year mark of trying to get pregnant, our one year mark of infertility treatments, the due date for our second angel baby and just had our third miscarriage which was accompanied by our first life threatening ectopic pregnancy.

Needless to say our journey has been one full of ups and downs. There is no comparing the feeling of excitement when you find out that you are going to be a mother and there is nothing on this earth more devastating than when that dream is taken from you unexpectedly. 

My only wish for this blog is that it falls into the hands of someone who needs it. I searched for council, for blogs and books, for answers and solace throughout this journey and it was hard to find. It isn't talked about openly. 

To anyone who was wondering... Now you know why I haven't had babies yet. So, please be gentle when you ask. Believe me I would have them if I could! I would give anything in my life to have a sweet one to cuddle during the day and raise to be just like his daddy or a princess to dress just like her mommy. But it will happen in the Lord's time. And I am 100% sure of that fact. The Lord has a plan for each of us and despite how hopeless it looks from our point of view the Lord can see on through the eternities. And His view is a beautiful one.

Feel free to click back through my posts and read about our experiences and watch for more posts in the future. October 10th it's back to the drawing board and on to the next step in our journey. Thank you to all of you have been such a strong support for Mason and I. We are weak without you and feel blessed to have you.

Love,

Randi Rose