Baby Steps.

So I can not believe the amount of love I have gotten since releasing my blog to the public. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude... I have never felt so blessed and am so happy that all of you have reached out to me and shared experiences, well-wishes and most of all your support. Thank you.

So good news is... FINALLY I am out of the "recovery time" that was required for my surgery. I hit my six week mark today and we had a follow-up/planning meeting with our new and most favorite baby doctor, Dr. Jones, this morning. He has by far been the most proactive specialist we have been to and it is so exciting to see progress in the right direction, even if it's just baby steps. So first off he checked my incision and pushed around on my belly. I was able to tell him I FINALLY had a cycle... didn't know if it was ever gonna come back and then it finally decided to rear it's ugly face. I haven't had a cycle since JUNE! People, that's almost half of a pregnancy! But anyways... moving on. He said that was good and continued to tell me what his plans were. He told me 5 things...

#1: No trying - not yet. He wants me to give my body a break from a month or so more since I have physically been through so much. And I won't complain too much because let me tell you... I am not ready to get pregnant again emotionally. I am still working through a little bit of the grieving process and the thought of risking the pain that I went through is still a little scary. It obviously would be totally worth it if everything went better than last time but there isn't any guarantee of that quite yet. Especially because my risk for an ectopic pregnancy has gone up about 15%.

#2: If I do get pregnant... LET HIM KNOW ASAP. He said that once I am pregnant it will be HCG tests every week and very close monitoring and lots of rest for this wanna-be mama to make sure that I don't have another Ectopic and risk losing my other Fallopian tube. He actually used the term "High Risk Pregnancy" this time. (That's scary sounding.) If I were to lose the other tube the only way I could get pregnant from there on out would be through IVF. 

#3: He had me get my blood taken to test for a blood clot disorder called Factor Five Leiden plus Lupus, Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome and a few other things that may be causing my recurring miscarriages. It will take 1-2 weeks to get those results back... if any of them come back positive he will let me know and I will get my blood taken again in another 4-5 weeks and tested for the same disorder. Then if those tests come back positive it's a confirmed diagnosis. Good new is he said that any of these can be treated with Aspirin and an anticoagulant medication called Heparin.

#4: He gave me an order for the Hysterosalpingogram (HSG), better known as the "dye test." During this procedure they shoot dye through a tube, into my body, the dye goes through my Fallopian tubes tube and into the uterus and (if all goes perfect,) spills into my stomach. As the dye runs its course it takes a steady stream of X-Rays and shows us what's going on in there on a screen next to the bed. With me he is mostly concerned about a Uterine Septum, a wall down the middle of my Uterus that is preventing the fertilized egg from implanting correctly. If that is the case it is fixed with surgery to remove that extra lining.

#5: He used the words... "I have NEVER seen this happen to one of my patients" while referring to my Tubal Pregnancy. He even said "your case has kind of haunted me..." He says that it is not normal for the body to be steadily decreasing in HCG and then shoot up crazy high like mine did when I got to the ER that night. That worries him a little just because it would make it extremely hard to diagnose again if it happened. He also said that if all of these tests come back normal and nothing is wrong then he wants me to get pregnant again, take the progesterone suppositories, rest a lot and see if my body naturally develops the baby like a normal pregnancy. If I were to miscarry again he said it would be a little bit puzzling and that he would really have to start "digging" for causes... ummmmm yikes.

So for the next few weeks we are praying that we get some good news back from these tests and that we can move on our merry little way with starting our family. We have been through ALOT these last couple months and I am so ready for a break. It has just been one thing after another as far as injury, trial and disappointment. But we have been able to keep ourselves happy and optimistic because of the help of our family and friends and the amazing Gospel that we are blessed to be members of. We are leaning on our Heavenly Father more than ever and feel his love and grace every morning, day and night. Our prayers are heard, the scriptures teach us everything we need to know and our Heavenly Father is showering us with love and blessings as we continue to faithfully truck through these excruciating trials.

On that note here are five blessings from the past month:

#1: Our house is ONE MONTH away from being move-in ready.... and it is so so beautiful. I want to cry every time I am there because of how blessed I feel that Mason and I have the opportunity to build and live in our first home together. The Lord really is watching out. I believe He knew how badly we would need something this exciting and positive in our lives at this point and that little house on a hill is it.

#2: My little sister had her baby... Asher Grey Dixon. And that little guy is just the sweetest spirit and I love him dearly. Thank Heaven that he arrived safely and that mama is doing wonderful... Needless to say I am a very proud auntie.

#3: I have had a lot of opportunity to take photos for my friends and family as of late. This has given me the chance to go outside, breathe in the fresh air and find a creative outlet that I have needed so badly!

#4: CONFERENCE. Here are a few of the notes I took from my favorite talks. *Challenges are an important part of mortality. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ all will be made right in His timing. *It is far more important to lay up treasures in Heaven than on Earth.... [[And my FAVE]] This one was a quote from a story that made me cry my eyes out. "They were not blessed with children but they nurtured all who entered their home... they're home was a Heaven on Earth."

#5: PROGRESS.... When we got to the doctor's office I was so antsy. I was anxious and nervous and feeling more impatient than normal. We got in the exam room and Dr. Jones started telling us his plans moving forward and my heart took a breath. And I felt peace. No these are not answers... No these are not major decisions or major steps... but they are progress. And that is what we need. We need steps in the right direction. We need to know someone is trying to help us fix this. And we need to feel like we are crossing "possibilities" off our list and creating what will hopefully be a narrower idea of what's going on. All I want in life is to be a mom, to love a child and teach them the gospel and be a shining example to them in all the ways that I can be. I want to show them unconditional love, become their confidante and best friend as well as their teacher and disciplinarian. I am beyond ready for that responsibility and the more time I spend with children and babies the more I know that that is my calling here on Earth... Oh my gosh I can not wait.

(Not to mention... Mason is gonna make one hot dad) :)

So I go in on Tuesday the 14th of this month to get the HSG test done. Here's to hoping we get some answers and a little peace of mind. It's just a baby step... but more importantly it's a step in the right direction. Wish us luck!

Until next time,
Randi Rose