Let's Start From The Beginning

I always thought my life after marriage would be simple and easy. I am not sure why I thought that. I guess its just because my high school and early college years were, seemingly, so hard. It seemed as if I had paid my dues I guess when it comes to tribulation. Facing things like death, family members overcoming addictions, having serious relationships turn horrific, losing our family business and our home along with most of our belongings, dropping out of college to move back in with my parents, just to turn around, move out and try again, not to mention meeting my ideal, supper amazing, love-of-my-life guy and having to be apart from him for two years. I just always thought, “When Mason gets back from his mission, it’ll be easy. We will get married, buy a house, have kids… nothing could be harder that what I have been through.”

In April of 2009, after coming out of a devastating relationship, I had finally cut ties with those who had hurt me. I was done dating for a while. Now it was time to focus on me, decide what I want to be when I grow up, and focus on going to school and saving money. Dating was at the bottom of my priority list… Until I met Mason. A few months after I had made the decision to temporarily give up on dating, I met the perfect guy. He was strong, handsome, funny, adventurous, and made me a better person when I was around him. He was also older, 23 at the time, which, as an 18 year old, was sooooooo attractive. Mason had decided shortly before we met, after turning his life around and coming back to the LDS church, that he was going to serve a 2 year mission; Which was fine at first since I wasn’t looking for anything “Serious.” That changed fast. I loved him. Who was I kidding, I knew it from the very beginning that he was THE ONE, (as cliché as that may sound.) And he knew that same thing about me. So…. I helped him buy all of his missionary clothes, watched him get his patriarchal blessing, watched him pass the sacrament for the first time, receive the priesthood, put in his papers, give his first blessing, give his first talk in over 5 years, and then I was there holding his hand when he received his call to the Cincinnati, OH mission. He was leaving March 2010 which was 2 months from the day he received his call. We had been dating for about 8 months at this point. Then, after those two months of preparation were up, I dropped him off at the MTC, shook his hand and off he went. And I waited. 2. Long. Years. And I did that happily! What an amazing experience for us and how grateful I am that he did it.

He returned March 2012 and I had NEVER been so anxious and excited. I was at the airport when he got home and that was the best hug I have ever gotten to this day. I have never been swept of my feet quite like that and I was so shocked that I could finally hold him and love him again. Happiness filled my heart. It was less than a month later that we were engaged. April 8th to be exact. We got married in the Oquirrh Mountain LDS temple on May 26th, 2012 and it was the most perfect day I have ever had. And at that moment I knew that my life would be pure bliss with Mason there to share it with me.
We moved to San Diego, CA 2 weeks after we got married. Just for fun. And I was baby hungry INSTANTLY. It was like I had been ready two years before for all of this happened and it was so built up that I knew right away I wanted to start a family with this man. Mason was hesitant the first few months of our marriage which was understandable. I would tell people when they asked, “yeah, as soon as THIS guy is ready… it’s gonna happen.” And we would laugh about it. In October 2012 we started “Trying.” After 3 months of trying… nothing. I told Mason I was worried and he would tell me he didn’t even want to hear it. We were going to be positive and not worry until we had a reason to. Three more months went by and at this point I was taking pregnancy tests regularly every month. So we started a calendar, tracked out all of the “good days,” and googled all sorts of things that MIGHT help move the process along. At about 9 months of trying, and no baby, and a dozen negative pregnancy tests my poor wanna-be-a-mommy heart was breaking. I was broken. Mason would tell me I was perfect, that broken was such a harsh word, but that was how I felt. And at this point every time someone asked me, “so when are you gonna have kids?” or “are you pregnant yet!?” I would cringe. It hurt. They all asked like it was so easy… just simple as that… get off the pill and have a kid. And oh how I wished it was that easy. But it wasn’t… not for me. Not to mention that in February of 2013 we had moved BACK to Utah and I had started working at a children’s photography studio. Talk about slapping sunburn, or feeding a fire. I was in full baby mama mode.